December 08, 2013

DECEMBER 08, 2013   SUNDAY MORNING

    Good morning, my sweet wonderful Chris!  We were together in our dream.  I simply had to get up and write this down to not take a chance of forgetting it.

    You and I were packing the remainder of our things to move away from this earth.  We were putting the last of our clothes into two boxes.  You were greatly concerned, alarmed, about a colony of ants living on a small flat trailer.  The ants were safely away by a few feet from our boxes, though between the boxes.

    I was telling you not to worry until I got a good look at the ants.  I did and I too became alarmed.  They were huge and mean looking creatures with large bulbous, red hot rear segments.  They lived in and were crawling all over a hive, like a beehive the size of a pumpkin, which hung attached to the tongue of the small rusty trailer frame.  They were crawling over each other like excited, angry bees.  These angry looking ants were larger than any ants I have ever seen and very animated crawling over each other.

    So I realized how serious you had been about the danger of the insects and we became more careful.

    One of the major aspects of this dream is that it was the first thing I thought of upon awaking, and also that the dream had been of you and you had been so vivid.  That along with the powerful immediacy of the ants drove the dream through the threshold between sleep and waking.  Also, the experience had more than one meaning but the most important message to me, driven into the waking state, was to impress upon me that you are well and strong and still with me in the larger reality.

    This is so important after my dip in faith yesterday.  Thank you, my precious beloved Christel.  Thank you so much, Honey Bun.  These messages and reminders from you are so important to me.  

    By the way, I heard you call my name gently and wake me up at an earlier time last night, a time before the ant dream.  It was so familiar, the sound of your sweet voice.  You said, “Honey Bun?” so softly yet clearly, as if checking to see if I still wanted to watch the Star Trek episode on TV that I had been planning on.

     "Honey Bun?"  These sweet gentle words, so much your voice and your loving attentive care of me.  These moments boost my faith that our life and love together is eternal.

    I don't know how much my long and tedious efforts at meditations yesterday had to do with my sensitivity to your communications during the night.  I thought I had made poor progress during the day.  I felt like a fly stuck in amber, immobile, almost completely unproductive though not completely so because even a dead end state like that is productive in the sense that one is in the process of slowly getting beyond a dry spell.

    Nevertheless, I felt I had plowed myself into a rut, because I could not reach a state of bliss or any decent level of Shabd light and sound, no matter how long and hard I tried.  It had depressed me until I clearly heard your voice inquire sweetly, "Honey Bun?" with the unspoken but clearly implied “Are you awake?  Star Trek is coming on TV."  And attached to that another clearly intended message saying, with the same two special words, “Honey Bun”, that "we are still together.  Don't lose faith.  We are a team for eternity."

    These moments, Chris, are priceless.  I love you!

December 07, 2013

DECEMBER 07, 2013   SATURDAY MORNING

    Good morning, my Love.  I love you as you know more than anything.  Don't let yesterday's brevity of my letter worry you.  After all, the sweetness of the dream it tried to describe compensated for the lack of word volume, don't you think?  It had a very unique flavor, this letter, a special spiritual quality that no others had yet conveyed.  This was a new thing, a new  advancement into the spiritual realms.

    Whatever this special quality was it can be experienced only on levels above words but not through words.  It seemed even higher that poetry, perhaps it was a spiritual poetry of the higher dimensions.  I know you agree.  

    But only a special type of sensitivity can perceive this.  I don't think many materialistically oriented people can perceive it.  And maybe only you and I could see it since, for instance, the violin has special meaning for us as a unique couple.  It appeared in many parts of our lives, especially in our most recent twilight years.  

    And the huge bed, after the spacial limitations we endured during our physical life, also has special meaning for us.  Still, I think there is a pure spiritual metaphor emanating from the dream that many souls will experience and be moved by in a sweet way in a special kind of joy.

    I love you.

    I see that this physical world is but a dream itself, but a coarse and heavy dream.  It is made of just a few familiar thoughts that each one of us constructs for ourselves over a lifetime of environmental influences.  

    Every human being has a different mindset.  Most people's mindsets have strong resemblances to the majority mindset, the overarching mindset of society which evolves over generations and, in modern times, is buzzing and confused and clanging frenetically from promotional tricks and advertisements and noise of every kind that modern special interests and businesses inflict on the unwary consciousnesses of the world's populations.

    There is no wonder that materialism and atheism flow like rivers swelling and overflowing their banks today, from the constant deluge of lies and greed and mind control assaults in every corner of the world.  But still, even though the thoughts and broken perceptions of this physical world mindset seems ubiquitous and even infinite, this is not really the case.

    This consuming physical dream is a nightmare of materialism and confusion but the actual quantity of thoughts making up the physical illusion are few in comparison to the truly infinite thought experiences of the higher spiritual realms.  These seeming ubiquitous lower physical thoughts seem magnified and multiplied much beyond what they actually are because of the incessant noise of the constant assault on the population's senses.  

    An analogy to this might be the incredible disruption and calamity that a small group of unruly children can make when running wild inside any enclosed environment.  Two or three excited kids can sound like an invading army when not controlled by a responsible adult.

    This is the physical world today for most people.  And it is made out of unwary thoughts and poor attention.  Spiritual seekers need to seek quieter places in consciousness.  This doesn't mean it is necessary to completely hide from the busy clamoring world around them, but retreats into peace and quiet on a regular basis are necessary.  

    Who was it who said "Live in the world but not of it"?  I believe this is a very thought worthy suggestion.

    But my original intent in bringing this up this morning, Honey Bun, was simply to point out or perhaps preface my own observation that the thoughts making up the higher astral realms are much more numerous and swiftly changing and metamorphosing than the relatively tiny few frozen or glacially changing thoughts that make up the habitual illusion, that is the heavy dream, which we call the physical world.

    Now, this becomes a preface for my words to you, my Darling Chris, in my desire to describe to you the growing difficulty I am encountering these days while expressing my letters in words to you.  It's becoming more and more difficult in direct proportion to the spiritual elevations I am advancing into and beginning to explore.

    I am incredibly grateful for the extraordinary revelations that are emerging in my quest to reunite with you.  But as I discover these new modes of being and these new dimensions of consciously experiencing eternal life, I am soaring further and further away from earthbound language because that old language is inadequate to express these finer details of the spiritual realms.  Poetry and metaphor are serving me well but they take longer to construct in written and spoken physically based languages.  I find myself not only living the role of explorer and transcriber but translator as well.

    It just takes more time and research to write in these new and unfamiliar ways.

    Please, my Love, never think that this is a complaint.  It most certainly is not.  In truth, it is a great joy to me to be on this wonderful journey into the higher realms returning to you.  I am simply trying to explain why I might sometimes seem slower at getting these cherished letters finished and out to you.  But I expect that is not a problem for either one of us to worry about.  The biggest worry I can see is that I need to learn to be a little more patient while involved in the spiritual life and the literary and other expressions of it.  I think as in virtually every other venue, practice will make perfect.  If not perfect, it’ll at least make it a whole lot easier.

    I will see you soon.  Tonight in the astral?  I love you!

December 06, 2013

DECEMBER 06, 2013   FRIDAY MORNING

    Hi, Honey Bun.  I love you.

    I am experiencing some issues with the computers this morning so things may be a little different and error prone.  I think the problem is with Google’s own computers, though.  I always type these letters and virtually all other documents online in this Google Drive account of mine.  So if they have problems with their computers, their subscribers will probably feel some of the results.

    Anyway.  I do love you so much.  Nobody can imagine this love but you and me.  They have their own feelings and loves and experiences that we cannot imagine of theirs.

    I had a dream early last night and woke up to write it out because it was so clearly about you and me.  I remember, as usual, only a portion of a greater whole, that is only a segment of the whole dream.  But it was nice.  Here is what I wrote:

    I dreamed we were happy and together.  No illness of any kind, bodily or mentally, was a part of our pure world.  You were snoozing in our large king sized bed.  I think I was with Momma in another room.  Then I went to the bedroom carrying my violin.  You were asleep and lying comfortably in your sleeping gown (as an aside note, this gown belonged to you where you are now, it never existed in the physical domain).  As people sometimes do in restful sleep, you had pushed the covers aside, a little bit, but they still covered your lower half.  You were beautiful as usual.  

    I lay down a moment beside you still dressed in my day clothes.  I was planning to surprise you with sweet violin music.  You woke up and asked me to take off my uncomfortable daytime clothes, concerned about the tiniest of comforts and joys for me, as usual, the same cares and love you have blessed me with all our conscious life together.

    We were both young and healthy and happy in this dream.  I believe this is because we were in our eternal soul bodies, far removed from physical illusions.  My radar must have alerted me to this important fact because I am always sensitive to any proofs of our eternal happiness.

    I woke up and hand wrote the details of this pleasant heavenly astral experience on my pad to remember and transcribe into the online document this morning.  Then I went back to sleep.

    I love you, Honey Bun.

December 05, 2013

DECEMBER 05, 2013  THURSDAY

    Hi, Sweetheart.  I love you.  This morning I had an interesting meditation.  It was full of larger than human contexts.  Many revelations of various forms.  It was like suddenly the entire science of ecology being opened up to the tiny mind of an ant.  It was too much for my tiny mind to communicate, even to myself.

    The question is: how does one squeeze an ocean sized amount of knowledge and insight through a tiny straw for other people's consumption?  

    Imagine the ant, having learned a library full of amazing facts about the world, about our ecology, the relations to their environment and all the other organisms sharing the same world, even human beings, how does the ant communicate this vast knowledge to his compatriots?

    He doesn't.  He can't.  He can point in a direction and say, "There's something interesting over that way."  But if his compatriots are not curious, they'll never look.  Nor will they listen even if it were possible to cram such vast knowledge down through a straw made of mere words.

    I love you, Chris.  So infinitely much and for eternity.  Such vastness is for me and you, and the ant, to know.  If we are to communicate reality that is beyond time and space, and life and death, that is Life Eternal, the best I know how to do this is through the example of Being.  Just being what we are.  If any soul is interested enough to see something in us that interests him or her, well... that in itself is better communication than words are capable of.  If he or she wants us to elaborate then he or she must be willing and courageous enough to work at the communication in a respectful and mature manner.

    Debate for debate's sake or for competition to win some childish mind game will not be tolerated.  Maybe a constructive dialectic type of conversation will work but the inquirer must have the stamina to go the distance, even if that distance is caused by my own ignorance and misunderstandings.  The onus is not on me.  I am not in this world to seek out lost souls and save them from their own illusions.  That is their job if they want enlightenment.  The onus is in their camp.  Not mine.  Therefore they must persist through whatever difficulties they find in my understanding of their sincerity and make me understand they really want my input to their personal problems.

    But that is a tall order in this world as I see it today.  Perhaps I am being blinded by my own less than perfect mindset and there are sincere attempts to respectfully receive an account of what I know.  But I do not see such sincerity around me.  I see mental and spiritual laziness and self interest in the people around me to the detriment of other innocent people around them.  

    So the loudest statement I can make to any of them is to ignore them completely.  That at least makes them wonder why I am ignoring them, and then that wonder in itself makes them look, if only for the briefest of moments, at themselves and question what it might be about themselves that has made me give them the silent treatment.

    You see what I mean, Honey Bun?

    I did not intend to embark upon this subject this morning.  It just came out.  And I know why it came out.  I have been bothered again and again and again, repeatedly over the years, with a desire to construct effective internal imaginary dialogues with the scores of people who have misjudged me and misinterpreted my character and mannerisms, in negative and unflattering ways, over the years of my human life.  But especially in these my senior years when my personality and character have received their final touches, their final brush strokes, and I am now what I am.  I am the finished me.

    As I say, I have been repeatedly bothered and sidetracked from my important spiritual work by the supposed need and hope of success in my introducing the good me, the decent and caring me, to my neverending stream of detractors who, no matter what I do or say to them, seem intent forever on judging me a bad and undesirable character worthy only of being the subject of their destructive gossip.

    So now I am tired of trying, tired of the effort to communicate with my enemies and detractors, who are legion.  And this is my sign off to them, my last word to them, I hope.  Because I don't like the waste of my attention and energy on useless tasks and pointless endeavors.  There are so many more places to go in this universe.

    And at the very center of all the world, of all reality, is bliss and goodness, is you waiting for me, Honey Bun.  You wait for me to come to you.  Therefore I choose you over all else, for that is in essence choosing Good over evil, God over the devil, and I leave the rest behind to take care of itself.

    I love you eternally and will be home to you soon.

December 04, 2013

DECEMBER 04, 2013  WEDNESDAY

    Good morning, my wife.  I love you.  I had a good night's sleep,  surprisingly, and a very good hour of meditation this morning in which the first half was a rich and soothing immersion in the Shabd Sound Current.  The rest of the meditation was a scattering of mental chatter, some good insight, and only a little bit of mucus and sneezing issues.

LATER:

    Now it is hours later.  Breakfast is eaten.  I’ve had a bowel movement.  And I found myself involved in a scattering of tedious duties to get out of the way.  I wanted to meditate more but knew I should attend to these things.  I especially did not want to leave my letter to you as just the brief opening paragraph above.

    Ah…!  Now that I resumed this letter and can think in context with what is really important, our eternal togetherness, the Shabd has increased its soothing volume.  It occurred to me during meditation earlier this morning that the Shabd sound current might be what gave birth to the original idea of sounding the long, drawn out  “AUMmmm…” and “OMmmm” in some Hindu meditation chants.

    I just did a quick Google search on the word “OMmm” and found some confirmation of the connection at http://www.omsakthi.org/worship/mantra.html which is a page at a website called “Om Sakthi Spiritual Movement”.  The pages of the website that I visited have not been updated in over three years but they provide a copious amount of pictures of their guru and followers which reveal a deep passion within the spiritual organization.  I personally, Honey Bun, shy away from such group identifications and orthodox type behaviour but I have indulged in such things in my younger days, forty years ago, so I do have a soft spot in my heart for such group activities.  After encountering Jiddu Krishnamurti’s dialogues, I became much more independent of group involvements, much to the guile of many misunderstanding people.

    Nevertheless, Chris, this website has at least a few beneficial morsels of information about ancient Hindu wisdom and Shabd sound current (though I haven’t yet seen them use the word Shabd) that I think it is well worth my further perusal for a while.

    I love you so much, Honey Bun, that even the small amount of attention this research takes away from my focus on you is painful to me.  I do not want you to ever get the idea that anything in my experience can take precedence over my love and all encompassing mission to return to you.  I’m sure you realize that all this research is simply necessary work in building our Bridge To Eternity, our road back to each other.

    You are my heart.  And you are every beat of my heart.  You are my mind and soul, the very essence of my existence.  You are my Love.  Our soul is Love.  Love!  It’s just that simple.

ADDENDUM:

    I went to Walmart at Tanger Mall.  On the way there and while there and coming home carrying groceries, I felt large.  I felt close to you as if we had both risen above the tiny concerns of the human physical world.  

    I think my efforts to find the source of our consciousness of things, things around us that our attention fixes upon; that is, my meditative work to discover the pure primal consciousness inside us that looks at and observes all the objects of consciousness that it gives its attention to; I think this careful meditative involvement has suddenly boosted my everyday conscious awareness orders of magnitude higher and wider than it has ever been before.  

    I felt very close to you as if you and I were indeed, to use the metaphor again, simply in another room together now from where we used to be together before you transcended this temporal domain.  But at the same time much different.  Huge.  I felt as if we had expanded into a world with an added spacial dimension.  A very good analogy would be: you and I had once lived as a loving couple in a universe composed of only two dimensions, fairly adequately visualized as a world of living paper cutouts of people, trees, buildings and everything else.  A two dimensional world.

    Then you transcended this two dimensional world and I stayed behind, continuing to be a two dimensional being.  I cried and grieved because I could no longer see you and could not fathom where you had gone, an unknown and unseen seen place all two dimensional people call death.

    Then after the intense and careful meditation I have been doing in consciousness and what is to be discovered in its depths, I suddenly expanded outward from my familiar and extremely limited two dimensions into three.  I found myself in an enormously richer, more detailed, and wider world of three dimensions!  And there you were!  I had not been able to see you before because you were standing to one side in the newer and more greater third dimension, a side that I could not see into while my vision was still flattened in only the two dimensions.

    And then we resumed the same type of lifestyle we had always lived as the loving couple we have always been.  And happily continued the work of life and joys and natural activities our lives together had always been composed in character.  Only, now, much richer with its added dimensions.

    This, what I just wrote above, is a very comfortable analogy of the experience we had together today when I moved outward and upward from a mere three dimensional reality into our four dimensional reality.  Everybody around me looked like they were less substantial than two dimensional cardboard cutouts of people, but they did not know it.  All their thoughts, holiday excitement and shopping, dreams and ambitions were flimsy two dimensional images on the quickly disintegrating walls of very temporary and dying soap  bubbles, of which earth life is but one bubble out of billions.

    Our four dimensional world was entirely different.  It was rich and substantive and had no more to do with that other smaller world than a human body has to do with the unnoticed flaking off of old skin cells which happens naturally and unnoticed by the larger animal on a daily basis.

    So anyway, Honey Bun, my analogy got away from me but I let it run and frolic freely because it served my wishes to express the tremendous leap I experienced in our conscious life today, yours and mine, and as a result of my daily meditations and reading and writing efforts, of living to reunite with you in eternity, in this limitless infinite universe of possibilities.  

    I love you dearly.  Shabd in this moment is so sweetly loud as to need Niagara Falls as it's metaphor.

    You love me, I know.  We love each other and are forever eternally one with each other.  We are the epitome of the phrase "Two in One."

    I love you.

December 03, 2013

DECEMBER 03, 2013   TUESDAY

    Good morning, Honey Bun.  I love you.  I awoke around 3:00 AM.  I tried meditating for about 30 minutes but the usual syrupy thick mucus kept gobbing up on the back of my sinus cavity, making me want to sniff and snort it to the back of my throat and swallow it, the glob of mucus.  

    Anyway, since my meditation was being interrupted by this nose business and I needed to urinate, I decided to start my day, early as it was.  I put on a pot of coffee, peed, and drank my first cup.

    I don't mean to start these letters of on negative notes.  I don't really feel that bad.  I am only trying to provide relevant background or supporting details for these letters, as I realize the background is part of the experience as well.  I think significantly so in everything we do in life and that includes our spiritual life which, in all of unified reality connects everything to everything else, even a snail's sensory and mental experience to the whole.  Everything if relevant.  So I feel it proper and as thorough as I can get to throw in even these mundane complaints whenever I can for it ultimately improves the message and not confuses or diminishes it.

    Anyway, I was having an intriguing meditation that I hope to resume later.  This was a slight curve away from Shabd sound meditation and into an interesting field of pieces of myself.  Some of these pieces are images, a more thorough study of the "I" inside me, a study done from a clearer, more purely observant mode of consciousness.  There were many elements involved in the human experience of myself: emotional, which means psychological and physical elements working together; memory and its subdivisions and manifestations; and the participation of the  inner observer in all of this; and what components of all of this survive death, what is eternal, and how to step fully into the eternal reality while still incarnated in temporal forms, i.e. how to live in the world but not of it.

    Anyway, Chris, this type of meditation is significantly different from Shabd sound current meditation but I believe it is enhanced and enabled from advanced learning and practice of sound current meditation as well as other forms of meditation, contemplation, observation, and careful thought.  So if I had to give advice to anyone about how to meditate I would say use both types and any other type as well, such as maybe even chanting and mantra yoga, as well as reading carefully the opinions of others about spiritual matters (remembering at all times their own as well as every other person’s own, limitations and fallibilities.  I would also advise them to always rely ultimately on one’s own self to figure it out because one’s own way is unique by virtue of his or her own unique life experience  and life path when all large and small details of that experience are totaled up.  No soul has exactly the same experience as any other soul and no one is exactly like any other soul and so there is plenty of room in an infinite universe for all our unique selves to be valid.

    Anyway, my Love, I didn't intend to wax profound or pompous.  It just seemed to want to come out and I let it flow.

    I love you!

AFTERNOON ADDENDUM:

    I love you, Chris.  I live for our full conscious reunion.  When my energy is low and my awareness is dimmed, my faith is weakened.  This is how I am now, though I am picking up emotionally a little now that I have begun speaking to you through these words (it is a true connection which allows the energy to flow).

    I went for a long walk to the grocery store in Hanahan for the exercise.  I bought another six pack of diet Ginger Ale and carried it home in a double plastic bag.  I walked slowly and stopped to sit and rest several times along the way.  I used our umbrella for a walking stick which was good because I was not very steady on the way back and my lower back was stiff and stabbed me with a little bit of pain now and again.

    During this long walk I struggled to raise my consciousness to a spiritual level.  I succeeded some, but not much, though significantly enough.  I watched myself, my mind and awareness, my thoughts and sensory input, and the comings and goings of my "I", that pain ridden psychological center; I watched all this and more around me like a cat watches a mouse, as Krishnamurti once said of himself in one of his books.

    I tried to discover whether or not it was true that we are pure consciousness completely independent of physical components and, if so, what are the characteristics of this pure consciousness.  Are we more than we are in the physical?  Does this pure consciousness have a mind of its own and is it supremely better than our physically based mind?  These are the things I tried to explore during the walk up to the store and back from the store.

    I think I succeeded to a degree in proving to myself that pure consciousness is independent of physical matter and sensory input.  And furthermore it can be aware of the sensory input and yet above it enough to be free of it.  This is difficult to describe and even to remember.  The "I" didn't exist during this transcendent experience of conscious although my true identity did.  Honey Bun, I feel that I am mangling the message with these words and the difficulty of remembering the sublimity of the experience.  I had the transcendent consciousness experience more than once, maybe three times during the walk, but the duration of each time was long enough to be substantial but still fleeting nonetheless.

    Anyway, I feel that with continued practice at this meditative walking and meditative awareness in whatever I am doing I will learn to enter this transcendent state more easily, more often, and learn to stay in it for longer durations.  I think at this point the excitement of interring the state shocks me back out of it again, which is a common problem with many people as they reach more sublime states of consciousness for the first few times until they become more skilled at getting in and staying in these states.  Just like learning new juggling tricks.

    I love you, my Darling.  Thanks for listening.  I’ll see you soon!