MARCH 12, 2014 WEDNESDAY MORNING
Spiritual Faith Encompasses All Languages
Christel, I pray deeply that you are alright. The nightmare the night before last, which made me bang on the neighbor's wall for causing it, is still worrying me. The only clue that I have that hints that I did not harm you in that terrible nightmare is that during the next night, last night, while meditating for hours, I settled gradually into more peaceful feelings.
I had gotten spiritually deeper. I dove deeper underneath the surface level of thought, and rested there for awhile observing its ephemeral images and sensations. I suppose I was like a deep sea diver insulated, protected, watching the world outside my protected center. My emotions were free of friction and conflict for awhile, allowing me to see some beautiful divine things, indescribable beauty that I already knew you had seen and experienced on the night you transcended this temporal plane. I saw that beatific smile on your face as you sat on the toilet and I casually explored a few harmonies on my guitar, which were really just incidental to the whole experience.
I knew that look. I knew what it meant because I had also experienced the same indescribable beauty that causes a look of ecstasy like that, at other times in my own life, especially going back to the very beginning of our 30 year journey together in this material world. Only a divine experience causes a smile like that. And last night, thank goodness, I was given such a vision again of my own during my meditation, making me remember and realize anew the power and invulnerability of such a soul founded beauty, of the eternal realm our souls have access to it in. This, I think, is the primary clue that enabled me to let go of my renewed grief enough to dive beneath the unbearable heartache for a little while of peace and spiritual revitalization. I was given more faith that I, after all, did not and fundamentally could harm you in that nightmare. The nightmare was just an horrible illusion brought on by stress from the neighbors goading and provoking me and the upset stomach that came along with it.
At least I pray to all divinity and all kind and loving souls everywhere that this is so, that you are alright, and that if I have hurt you in anyway for them to please, please come to your aid. Please!
I think, Honey Bun, the next clue that everything is alright is Henrietta who lives across the lawn in apartment 131. She is very simple with a powerful faith. She is a humble Christian who keeps to herself and her does her crossword puzzles. You remember her, the African American woman who sometimes takes care of her young grandchildren. She always waved to us when we were sitting outside and you enjoyed see her and waved back happily. Well, Chris, she is a very good friend to me. As with everybody else I encounter, we don’t attach the same exact meanings to all the words we use in conversation (certainly I’ve found no one to match the solid fusion of language detail that you and I had after 30 years of closeness) but at least with our friend Henrietta our hearts speak on a level aside from the words we use. An understanding of character and spirit is shared between us. She, too, had been a dedicated and loving caregiver to her mother for many years before the old woman passed over into higher realms, or as Henrietta would put it, “called by God into Heaven.”
You see, it is just language differences. The interpretation in the heart and soul is the same. This is how Henrietta and I communicate, which is on spiritual level and faith in that. So when I was feeling so miserably despised and hated by virtually all my neighbors who virtually through parties of celebration after the cop was called out to my door by Raymond, and I saw nowhere to turn, I suddenly decided to visit Henrietta for a few minutes to, as I told her, “just to stand next to a friend for a few minutes.”
Anyway, the good woman was glad for the visit and invited me into her home and we talked mostly in her Christian language, while expressing ultimate spiritual truths of our universe, about Satan being rampant in our neighborhood and working through people like the ones who were pressuring me so heavily to leave the complex.
“But you’ll be alright,” she said, “God sees everything that is going on and He doesn't abandon his good children to Satan. You just hang in there. You’ll see. Everything is gonna work out just right for you, when the time is right.”
Her faith, Chris, worked a small miracle on me. It calmed me. It replenished my own wavering faith that ultimately things must get better. I walked the gentle woman to her mailbox as we talked a little more. I could tell she enjoyed the talk as much as I did. It was like a communion of two kindred souls.
Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” - King James Bible “Authorized Version”, Cambridge Edition.
N.B. If I glide into religious speak from poetic or philosophical, let that language do its job. Let it express the various shades of infinite reality as it will. You can get to the store in a car or on a bicycle or by walking. You get to the same place eventually, right? Does the poet wax technical? No. Does the sophisticated wax in slang? No. Does the romantic wax scientific? No! A thousand no's! For language falls as it will from the wings of our souls. Let it fly! So yes, Shabd, Holy Spirit, God's Word, and Christ's Love all speak of the same Bliss. The divine is here and now. Oh Infinite Bliss. Oh Eternal Ecstasy!
MULTIMODAE NOTAE:
Newton's third law and the instantaneous isness of everything.
Ah, Shabd. Sweet bliss, Shabd! Holy Ghost. Creative Spirit. Christ of God and God of Christ.
It occurs to me that I fear losing my laptop and tablet computers more than anything else that I still possess in this material plane. This is because they are tools that I think I need in this environment to tie up my remaining life duties in this material plane before I can return home to you, Honey Bun. This thought came to me after a nice meditation while listening to George Berkeley's A Treatise on the Principles of Human Knowledge. The thought entered my awareness during meditation of how painless it would be if the cop had actually done as he threatened and taken me to jail for disturbing the peace. If I had no remaining attachments to material things it wouldn’t have mattered one iota. I suppose this is where my heart and mind should get to. So when do I walk away even from the tools I am using to write these words?
I love you so much, Chris. Please be alright. As you can see I am still distressed from that terrible, terrible nightmare. But not as much right now. I can’t say it enough, Christel, that I love you. All words combined are still too small for such an infinite essence.
Love. Love. Eternal ground of our being. Love. (We’ll be alright, Honey Bun).
Nota Bene:
Chris, all of the above I pasted into LibreOffice Writer word processor, changed the font to Times New Roman font size 12, and printed the three pages out. This font printed very well whereas the Arial and Courier New fonts did not print well when I tried those.
Anyway, I added a handwritten cover page dated March 12, 2014 to Elaine and Bill Simpson. I wanted them to have an idea of where my head and heart are at this time, at the time of this writing. I think that it is important to re-introduce oneself, so to speak, every now and again. Especially introverted, socially private people like myself who are often mistaken by their eccentric appearances to be characters other than whom they actually are. Even family members fall prey to this mistake in judgement. It causes much grief in the world because it wrecks any hope of constructive communication. It also causes wars at a wider scale.
So I included the handwritten cover letter. Then I folded the four sheets into an envelope, addressed and stamped it, and sent it out with today’s mail pickup.
Just so you know.
I love you immensely. See you soon unless I have to rewire the entire universe, in which case it might take a little longer. I’m only half joking. I do indeed believe in miracles, in infinite magic within our vast and eternal existence, and I believe we can eventually and are destined to eventually learn to use every bit of it. Well, if that’s what it takes, I will do it. I will not forsake you, my Love, my Christel, my eternal wife. I will see you soon!
